Page by: J Parker
When I keep hearing about The Only Way
Is Essex, I cant help thinking: where the
f-ck is Essex, and what is the main town
You keep hearing it is the place to
party, and there are loads of hot people
in the area. But if you are from anywhere
north of Birmingham, as I am, you
probably do not have a clue where the
This led to me partake in a bit of research
on the old Interweb.
What I uncovered is: it is a county just
northeast of London, and the epicentre for all
the totty seems to be the town of Brentwood,
where many of the film shoots for TOWIE take
If you plan to visit Brentwood to sample the
nightlife yourself, you may consider trying to
blend in with a bit of a makeover. Some trendy
clothes seem to be the order of the day, a
spray tan, the more orange the better, and
loads of hair gel. To finnish the look off,
have a couple of mates trail you through a
hedge backwards. Your look should then be
Another must, will be to learn some of the
lingo as well, as you may find yourself looking
like a bit of a lemon, wondering what the hell
they are talking about. It is not as easy as
understanding London rhyming slang, where they
give you a bit of a clue, such as boat race =
face, or Shetland Isles = piles.
In Essex land, the local dialect is a lot
harder to work out, such as reem = cool .
vajazzle = to try a new trendy look . do one =
go away . noon = ladies most private part .
salt potato = good looking woman.
If you are a guy visiting Essex, and get on
the wrong side of a club bouncer, be careful
not to get your Essex slang mixed up. If you
refer to the bouncer as salt potato, instead of
reem, you will end up resembling a panda.
So who watches TOWIE, mainly teens to mid
20s, estimated at about one and a half million.
The cast members can have about one million
stalkers on tweeter.
Their main rival, Geordie Shore, about
youngsters from Newcastle land, attracts up to
one million viewers.
East Enders on mainstream BBC1, that has
been cited as causing numerous cases of
depression, can attract about 6 million
Dingledale also claims to have up to 6
million viewers, but only 7 people have ever
owned up to it.
It is claimed up to 10 million people watch
Coronation Street, although 9.5 million of them
have a bus pass.