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The Jump

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Page by: J Parker

The Jump is a Channel 4 TV Show that first took place in January 2014. The show is about 12 celebrities, and a few reserves, competing in winter sports at Insbruck in Austria.

Events undertaken on the first show were the skeleton, bobsleigh, speed skating, ski cross, slalom, and jump, reaching speeds up to 80 miles per hour, and flying off a jump about 30 feet in the air.

The Jump
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We had all seen celebrities getting battered and bruised in Dancing on Ice, and being attacked by snakes and almost drowned on Im a Celebrity, but this would show just how far celebrities will go to remain famous, risk breaking their necks.

At first, many pundits predicted the show would be tame and slow, but the sight of Flash Gordon being carried off the show a broken man, soon revealed this was not the case.

The next alarming piece of video, showed the model Melinda Messenger, arriving at the bottom of a ski slope before she had learned to stop, screaming her head off while ploughing though a safety net, and tumbling arse over tit into the ice.

After arriving at Insbruck, things soon got worse, after the fashion designer Henry Conway, was seen bombing down a hill on a sledge, doing about 50 miles per hour. Concerns were raised when his screams got even louder half way down, after breaking his hand in a number of places.

The reserves were soon called in due to un-repairable celebrities. One of the reserves Donald MacIntyre, had a close escape after being trailed down a track behind a bobsleigh. Luckily, he had the sense to let go before it got up to 60 miles per hour, narrowly avoiding the title, most famous ex-celebrity in the world.

Sir Steve Redgrave was next to become a cropper. Whilst practicing for the slalom, he took off from a jump and landed face and ribs first into the ice. He went down as if he had been taken out by an SAS sniper. It was a sorry sight, when Sir Steve was seen being dragged off a mountain on a medical stretcher, whilst groaning like a sea lion giving birth, to a pup with a big head.

It took Insbruck General Hospital about 3 hours to bandage up our olympic hero, and the snow plough about 20 minutes to fill in the hole left on the mountain.

The final was to be a jump off between the two most successful celebrities, but ended up being between the two least damaged, Donald MacIntyre and Joe McElderry.

MacIntyre had a mighty fall when practicing for the final jump, off the highest ski jump, somehow landing on his face and surviving to tell the tale, although a bit hard to make out, as his face looked like it had just been smacked with a 20 pound cod, before it had been de-frosted.

MacElderry won the final jump off in dramatic style. MacIntyre done well to complete another two jumps, after his somewhat un-conventional landing.

This show was thought to be the last, as there were surely no more celebrities mad enough to risk life and limb in this way, and no way insurance companies could take such a risk again.

A few years on, there seems to be an endless supply of celebrities keen to take part in the show.

J Parker

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