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Im A Celebrity Madness

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Page by: J Parker

Im A Celebrity is a TV game show, shot in the jungle on Australia's east coast, in Queensland, about 50 miles south of Brisbane.

The UK version of the show, is presented by two little people from the north, as seen right. The little people have been accused of being cheeky little f---ers, by many of the contestants.

The two little people from the north Ant and Dec
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Many of the contestants are celebrities looking for a boost to their image, at a stage in their career where they either want to try something different, or are just looking for some TV or advertising work.

The show has made many celebrities rich, and made sure some would never work again, it can be that brutal.

If you are a really nice person, they may edit the footage to promote you as such, if you have any strange afflictions, they will ridicule you for days, to the extent you will be too ashamed to go back to your own country.

The little people excel in that role, to the extent, some contestants, such as the footballer John Fashanu, aka Fash The Bash, pledged the next balls he would kick, would be those of the little people from the north.

The first show was the best, as the contestants didn't have a clue what they were letting their selves in for. Cameras were everywhere, taking footage 24 hours a day.

Most contestants were gob smacked when they emerged from the jungle, as they then saw the footage that had been edited and fed to the nation, showing them to be over paid, ego-maniacs.

All contestants since, have had to go in with a bit of a game plan, to avoid people seeing the real them, as happened to the hapless bunch of guinea pigs in the first series.

One of the best ways to get votes, is to get the job of camp cook, this greatly enhances your chance of winning, as long as you don't poison everyone, as Rosemary Shrager almost done in 2012, after mixing raw meet with their dessert. Or kill and eat a rat as chef Gino D'Acampo done in 2009. The British Consulate had a hard time keeping Gino out of an Ausie jail.

Looking busy at times can help, such as collecting the campfire logs. In 2002, Tony Blackburn won the first series after becoming obsessed with collecting logs. He collected so many, and stacked them up around the fire, there were real concerns he could have wiped out half of Eastern Australia with a bush fire. Every year since, there are only enough logs scattered around the camp each day, to last for one day.

The young girls tend to take in a few skimpy bikinis, take many showers, and wear them in any water based trials. The two little perves from the north love the water based trials with young women, keeping a close eye on the contestants, to make sure they are not cheating.

Romance between young guys and girls can lead to many votes as well, such as Jordan, aka Katie Price proved in 2004, with lamb to the slaughter, aka Peter Andre.

Best avoid married guys though, such as Marc Bannerman who had an affair on set with Cerys Matthews in 2007, while Bannerman's wife was watching from the hotel just down the road. Awkward situation to say the least.

Having a young child is a great way to get votes, just talk about them all the time and cry your eyes out as much as possible, such as worked for East Enders Charlie Brooks in 2012.

Acting scared of the jungle creatures is a great way to stand out from the rest, and fainting gets you noticed as well, such as Gillian McKeith's oscar nominated effort in 2010.

Screaming in fear all the time is also a vote winner, such as the squirming royal butler Paul Burrel in 2004, and the petrified East Ender Dean Gaffney in 2006.

Gaffney was definitely not putting it on, as nobody from East Enders can act like that, Leonardo DiCaprio would have struggled.

J Parker

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